Enduring Understanding

Testimonies of a Christian and lessons learned on the journey. Psalm 119:2

Let Your Light Shine

15750_Jar_Candles

The post below was originally written January 15, 2011.  I thought it was timely with the things going on in my life now to share again.  I hope that it encourages you.   God has brought me such a long way from where I was when I wrote this originally.  He has taught me so much and done so much healing.  I’m SO excited to see what else He’s going to do.  God answers prayers people! I am a living testimony!  Please also see a connected post on my other blog for more encouragement. http://lovethtstrue.blogspot.com/2015/02/awesome-god.html

Take care

Normally I don’t do this, but uh…

I often write my thoughts privately and rarely share with others my personal reflections.  I am making an exception in the hopes to encourage others while encouraging myself.

Today, yesterday, this week, this month, these past few years, has been a very long and difficult voyage for my family across stormy seas.  At the same time, at the end of 2010, God revealed to me that I need to be a better steward of my time, because I was needed to do his work and that I waste needed time.  I am still working on this and have quite a few time challenges to conquer.  Little did I know in 2010, I would be tested and be called into active duty.  After a little whining about having more demands put on my time, I realized the blessing of being able to serve.  What I at times consider to be a sacrifice, is a blessing to someone.  How blessed am I to be in a position to serve someone and not just my selfish needs? How blessed am I to be able to have something that someone needs, when so many have nothing?  With this revelation of time and the blessing of serving others, I have taken to daily (or nearly every day) to old school, on my knees and laying prostrate prayer.  For me, this is my “Lord, I’m serious this time” praying position.  I often turn off all the lights, TV and music and light a very small candle to signal to my ADHD brain, that this is serious prayer time.

I know that God has always answered my prayers and that there is no good thing he will keep from me.  (Psalm 84:11) That being said, tonight, I can’t sleep, with tears streaming down my already tired and weary face, I ask my patient God. “Why?”  I know what I prayed for and that it was a transformative prayer, which means some serious mountains must move, which also means growing pains.  “Jesus, why must this take so long?  Why must the growing pains hurt so much? Why can’t you just fix it and fix it now?”  To be honest, I’m feeling a little discouraged.  Not, that God won’t answer my industrial strength prayer, but that I won’t be able to survive the commitment I have signed up for and the work that He requires of me.  I’m worried that I won’t be a good enough servant to help with the master plan and that I won’t survive the battle. Was I paying attention during the preparation? Is this soldier ready for a fight?

I will be even more honest in this moment with you loved one…in the midst of my prayer tonight, I was so numb I couldn’t even speak.  Ever have one of those, “Jesus this sucks so much right now I want to blow some s*** up, cuss somebody out, need to kick somebody in the throat” moments? You are speechless before the Father.  I finally managed to muster up a sobbing “Jesus!” Then the floodgates let loose.  So much so, I thought I couldn’t breathe through my tears.  This is where I heard the Father say, “GET UP! Wipe your tears, blow your nose. GET UP! GET UP OFF THE FLOOR!”  I have learned the hard way to be obedient.  I got up and got a tissue.  Scared, to lay back down and finish praying, I started to pace the floor.  Tears continued to flow and I was almost hysterical. “I can’t do this! I can’t take this! My heart is breaking! My heart can’t take this!” I kept saying this to the Lord.  The rest of that conversation is personal and not something, FB needs to know.  I will simply share the part that is my reason for my post.  Next, he told me to sit down and said, “Peace Be Still”.  As I grabbed my blanket to wrap up and sit on the floor he said, “Look at the candle”.  I noticed the candle and saw all the light it cast in my room.  I said, “Lord, it is so small, but look at how much it lights up, I can see so much from this little candle.”  He replied to me, “That candle is you.”

It is in my nature to take on the problems of the world and hold them close to my heart.  I am passionate about the well-being of others and at times feel like a failure when the ones I love are not doing well. In truth, I feel that way as I write this.  This is why I am writing and sharing this.  In my emotional breakdown, God reminded me, that despite my flaws (and there are many), my little light must keep shining, for it will touch so many.  I am not alone (thank you MJ) and the battle is not mine (thanks Nicole & 2 Chronicles 20:15).  I do not have time to break down at the weight of the struggles of the people I love.  I am in battle right now.  A spiritual warfare has begun.  I realize that now. I realized tonight, the potency of the prayers I have been praying.  How foolish was I to think that the devil would easily let go of my precious treasure that I am claiming? He’s not giving it up without a fight.  That’s all right though I have a weapon. It is the favor of Jesus, because I AM a King’s kid, and my Father will fight for me and he ALWAYS wins. What a relief and comfort in that realization.  He ALWAYS wins. Ha! Take that Satan, I kick you in the throat! This solider is doing the victory dance and dusting off her armor!  The battle will be difficult and the road may be long, but the love for my family is fierce and my God is strong. I hope that you remember the potency of your own light and what he has called you to do. Do not give up, there is much more for you to do and time is wasting!

Love,

Hope

The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world.  On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.” –2 Corinthians 10:4

“…Lord, even the demons submit to us in your name.”  He replied, “I saw Satan fall like lightning from heaven.” I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you. –Luke 10: 17-19

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